That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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