Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
