Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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