i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
