I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
