So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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