i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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