just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
