I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
