Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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