I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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