I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
