I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
that may or may not have been my penis.
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