That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize