There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
