having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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