i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
