I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
