you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
