My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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