my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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