Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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