I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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