my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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