maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
