he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
