...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
