I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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