party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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