Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can i not drive my cunt home
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
