2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize