Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
