I didn't shave. On purpose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
