You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
