This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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