real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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