Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
