My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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