please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
