I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
