Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
