..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
