I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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