So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
