If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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