Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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