just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
