Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
