It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
