"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
