She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
