I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
