Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
