i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
