Ketchup is God's man juice
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
