We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
