Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
