Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
