the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
