Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
