I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made out with two different species that night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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