i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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