Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize