i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
