i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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