I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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