So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
