It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
