We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize