Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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